August 31, 2014


Sycophant, psychophant, picklefeet, monkeymeat, bacontreat, all made out of different things. My dishwasher keeps filling up with water. I think I need to drill a hole in the bottom so it will drain properly (plus it will be right into the crawl space, so it shouldn't be an issue...that is until the giant man-eating spiders that live down there realize they now have easy access and a convenient route-how do you pronounce this one?-up into our house where they will be able to suck our brains out while we sleep, never being any the wiser. That is until we wake up dead. That would suck and you know it would happen on a Sunday night/Monday morning too). I really should watch fewer horror movies.

I recently started reading a new book. The nice thing about books is that you can put them down very easily. Gravity is a great help in this department. You can also throw them at people. It's amusing for several reasons: 1) the book often starts to flap and flutter like a wounded bird as it flies through the air; 2) the look of abject horror on the face of the person you lobbed the verbal assault at will soon turn to fluster and confusion as the book suddenly veers to the left/right, or takes a sudden nose dive, thus missing them completely and sometimes even acquiring a new target you had no intention of bringing into the fray. This can cause extreme fits of laughter, followed by long jaunts through your local park or corn field, depending on where you live and the time of year. If it's winter and you live where it snows, it's best to dress all in white and bring a snack as you may end up having to hide for more than a few hours at a time. Also, running in the snow can be tiresome, and even more so since you'll have to be covering your tracks as you go (if you don't know how to cover your tracks in the snow, just watch a movie, it's really easy and whoever is following you will always turn into a moron once the chase is on; see, Darwin isn't always bad for your religion). I like books.

I have recently started jamming with a guy who plays guitar and drums. While it's been fun, I think I may have to eventually eat him alive (that's a joke, everyone knows it's too hard to try and eat someone alive, they wiggle way too much, it's much easier when they're not alive...say undead). I'm just in an odd mood and this is sort of a stream of conscience type post, host, most, boast, roast, coast, toast, ghost, those, rose, hose, toes, goes, nose, glows, shows, bows, rows, roes. My finger tips are really sore due to my not being used to playing so much. There are worse things in life than sore finger tips. Getting stabbed in the eye by a masked man with a pitch fork is one of them. If you disagree, let me know in the comments, and make other suggestions of your own.

Would you wind the wind? And that's technically a correct sentence, though not a real possibility in most cases, though I'm sure someone could come up with something to make it a reality. Then squawked the raven "never...BAFSKH!!@!' and I threw a shoe at it to get it to finally be quiet. I'm a bit of a narcissist, and while I recognize that I am and try to not be one so much, it's not easy, especially when you're as awesome as I am...that last part was a joke (I hate having to explain a joke, it's like telling someone you've cooked their parents and that's what you just fed them-cf., e.g., South Park for further explanation). Man this is weird train of thought, even for me. I really have been watching/reading too many horror stories lately.

I hear the rapture is on everyone's mind lately. Whenever I hear that word I always think of Jurassic Park and how the raptors would gang up on someone to eat them (they would do it while the person was alive, but they also had razor sharp teeth and claws, neither of which I posses, plus I don't have a herd I can hunt with, and I'm not big into hunting or eating red meat, for that matter).

"Hooray, it's the rapture!"

"Why are those people running towards us screaming in terror?"

"They must not be getting saved..."

"Did they just say they're being hunted by packs of raptors?"

"Don't be silly, all the dinosaurs have long been used up in our awesome gas-guzzling hummers"

"Why are the trees moving on their own?"


Yes, it's the little things in life that make me happy. What makes you happy?