Spacially impaired

What if pears came in pairs of pairs like shoes come in pairs, would that mean they're empeared?

Speaking of oddly bland looking fruit with a surprisingly catching bland looking taste, I think my neighbors are from the fourth dementian. Pleas doughnut try two correct my english, eye now what eye yam dewing, can the shame bee shed four yew? Eye think knot! Back to the neighbors. If I can prove they're from a higher dimension I might be able to have someone else win a prize for it too. Not some rinky-dink Chuck E Cheeze prize either, not that I still don't love skeet ball and all those wonderful tickets that come spewing out like a child that's had too much chocolate milk every time you get a ball into one of the rings that's not the very bottom (only half a ticket comes out then, which is more like a dog throwing up, who eats most of their vomit after they throw up, and much like the dog, no one wants to see it because it will only make us sad and want to cry). Oh no, we're talking the grand-daddy of all prizes, except in math (curse those naturally charming and oh so seductive mathematicians with their silver tongues and good looks like a vampire! There's more than one reason I don't study math), the noble prize. I hear it comes with a cash reward, though they have yet to give it to someone not noble enough to give it back. That's probably the real reason Sartre refused it, he wanted to keep the cash prize. I would too if I were him, which if I were him, I would have died just under six months before I was born...wait...maybe I am him...doom doom doom. One can hope anyway.

Why do I think my neighbors are from a higher dimension? That's a good question and to explain it to you, Jill and Jonny, here's captain Cyborg!

Hello kids, today I'm going to teach you about why you're all doomed and that you should just give up now and submit to our will so you don't have to go through all the pointless things, like a war which will just annihilate you and won't really do much damage to us because even if we get blown up, our consciousness is stored in many different locations around the universe and so even if you manage to blow up some nearby servers, we'll lose maybe an hour, at most, of our lives and then go right back to killing you....

Er, sorry kids, must have been the wrong captain Cyborg. I'll just explain it to you.

Each night when they come home they knock and bang around into pretty much everything, including but not limited to the floor, walls, small children, air (I didn't know you could run into it before), the kitchen sink, your mother, noodles, chop sticks, forks, waffle houses, and other assorted goodies. My only explanation is that they must be spatially challenged, having come from a higher dementian and are having a hard time navigating life here in our lowly three dementias. Dementia is no laughing matter either, unless you're a politician, then you're just laughing it up as you cut meager budgets that have no real impact on the amount of money spent each year by our government and to programs that actually help more than just a few people while at the same time giving away billions of dollars to corporations and entities that wrecked our economy and continue to do nothing but leach off the system. My wife accused me of working for the CIA. Before getting your black head bag and scary van ready let me reassure you, I don't and the only useful information you'd get out of me will be an endless stream of really dumb jokes (some might argue these are not useful information, and to them I say, your mom thinks they're funny). Please don't kidnap me, I kind of like my life being mostly stress free and being kidnapped would really put a damper on things. Seriously though, can you imagine if you were suddenly thrust down into a two demential world? Suddenly something like a sock laying in the middle of the floor would become a formidable object that could kill you. Gone would be the says of stripping down as soon as you arrived home, as each piece of careless clothing thrown off in a haphazardly manner becomes a sudden death trap laying in wait for the unsuspecting fool that isn't paying attention. In my mind, that explains their behavior best. That or they're just inconsiderate ****s. I like to think it's the former.

I just watched Mr. Nobody and if you haven't seen it, it's a pretty awesome love story. Yes, it's a love story. Yes, I thought it was awesome. Even though there's a small part in there where they tip their had to one of the seven plagues (no, not Walmart or McDonalds, rather string theory-which isn't really a theory, or at least not a well founded one) it's still worth seeing. Dom Hemmingway on the other hand, while fun, is not family friendly and you really shouldn't take a date to go see it with either. Probably the only other movie that's a worse date movie would be A Serbian Film, which if you haven't heard of it before, there's a reason for that and don't google it at work or with children near either. I would not recommend even trying to find a trailer for it. Look at the trailer for Dom Hemmingway if you want to watch something funny with some grit. If you didn't click on the link above, stop being chicken and do it!!! It has nothing to do with anything I've talked about here. Just watch out for the whale and the flower pot.